So I've started editing last November's national write a novel month. I'm hoping to release edited chapters every few weeks. This one was a bit rushed, due to the fact that I decided to do it a few hours ago. I may go back later this week and do more edits. But here are changes from the first cut:
- More backstory on the two characters. Don't know why.
- Less detailed
- More backstory on the two characters. Don't know why.
- Less detailed
Prologue: Saint
Nicholas Park, New York
Busy city, lonely city is a common description of New York by
everyone who isn’t famous or a tourist. Everyone is too busying trying to get
ahead, sacrificing their youth, identity, and social worth in hopes of having
some sort of financial success. Some learn to enjoy the daily grind of having
three part time jobs, others close all aspects of their life except for work,
and there are those who cheat the system. No matter what you choose, lawfully
or unlawfully, morally or immorally, the biggest and strongest are successful,
and Daniel Max isn’t big or strong.
The
cold night air is powerful enough to numb the muscles and make men think twice
about going out for one last beer run before the corner store closes. Yet, it
was all worthwhile when the door to top forty Club 104 opened up and Daniel Max came outside following a girl who
turned him down too many times to count. Dan is a typical thug on the streets
raised by the hustle and bustling of the Streets of New York in the 80’s. He
spent most of his adult life inside a jail cell for crimes he claims he did not commit, but despite being caught
with drugs in his pocket and a victim claiming the man raped her, he did the
time anyways. Now free, he clings to the lifestyle he never had in his 20’s
which consists of going to clubs, picking up girls, and selling drugs to
clubbers who are looking to make their night a little more interesting. He
lived the stereotypical American thug lifestyle that rappers glorify, and he
loved it. Just like how he loved the curves and looks of a certain underdressed
jailbait who snuck her way inside the club with some or her friends. When asked
about her plans later in the evening, she was very closed minded about writing
Dan into her agenda.
Walking
along 130th street, right next to Saint Nicholas Park, Dan has his
hands in his pockets of his puffy black jacket. His breath could be seen across
the street as he slurred his words towards the girl in front of him, “Hey
Natalie, or whatever your name is. Wait up, I just want to chat girl.”
Daniel walks faster trying to
catch up to Natalie. The trees along the edge of Saint Nicholas Park blurs pass
him in his already cloudy and dizzy vision as he catches up with the girl in
the short skirt that’s been teasing him all night. The girl left the club after
an argument with some of her friends, Dan saw this as the perfect time to talk
with Natalie. “Hey, slow down girl. I’m here, what’s up?”
Natalie is a young Caucasian girl
dressed in what she considers club clothing which is a short skirt, 4 inch
heels, and a shoulderless glittered t-shirt that compliments her handbag. She’s
freezing as she left the club in a storm because of an argument with her
friend, and now she has her night’s stalker chasing her down calling her by
name. The sound of her heels slamming against the sidewalk broadcasts her
annoyance with the night she is having. She continues to ignore him as she
walks down the empty streets of 130th. Her eyes are open looking for
a taxi to wave down, but the only thing she could see that can help her get
home is the bus stop across the street. She thought about crossing, hoping the young
man currently sitting at the bench would protect her from her stalker. However
every time she tries to pass, Dan’s hand will block her from crossing as he
becomes uncomfortably close behind her.
“C’mon girl, no need to give Dan
the cold shoulder. I know its cold out here, and you must be freezing, I can
hear your teeth chattering from here. How about we go into the woods and get ya
warmed up. I know something to put in your mouth that will keep ya warm.” Dan said. The trees along the road
provide park goers complete privacy from the modern life outside the tree line.
From the park it’s impossible to see the ghetto apartments and small businesses
found on 130th, which means unless someone is in the park late at night no one
would see Dan and Natalie doing anything.
Natalie looks behind her, finally
looking at Dan since the last time she denied his advances at the club. She gives
him the stink eye saying “Fuck off creepo, don’t make me call my dad. He’ll
beat the shit out of you.” She tried to be threatening, but Dan doesn’t see it
that way. she starts to walk faster in her heels, and Dan looks at her behind
as it flashes him after every few steps of running, he knew she wasn’t legal
but at this point in the night he doesn’t care. To him it’s just a game of cat
and mouse, and the cat is more than happy to play with his meal. Dan starts to
briskly jog to keep up with Natalie’s speed walking.
Finally Natalie gives a shout for
help. “HELP SOMEONE!” the scream wasn’t
heard by many, and it’s doubtful that anyone would come to her aid, after all,
it’s common for a person to get shot in this part of town and anyone who saw it
wouldn’t dare to call the police. When Dan catches up with her for a second
time, he isn’t as nice and grasps the girl’s bare shoulders pushing her towards
the woods along the side of the road. The girl, trying to balance herself on
heels fell down into the woods, only to crawl on her knees until she is back on
her feet running into the tree line of the park, exactly where Dan wanted her
to go. Her screams for help didn’t cause a sense of urgency for Dan to hurry up
and restrain her, after a quick look behind him he didn’t notice anyone on or
across the streets taking notice.
She could feel the blood dripping
down her legs as the rocks and dirt scrapes her shins and knees as she crawls back
to her knees. It was only a matter of time before she felt another push before
being thrown back onto the ground. This time she turns around lying on her
back, using her legs to up kick Dan if he got too close to her. She threw one
of her kicks towards Dan’s groin, but he stood out of her reach shaking his
head to her. “I just wanted to get to know you, it didn’t have to go down like
dis. You understand right girl?” He smiles, his fake gold teeth trying to give
Natalie a friendly smile. Dan began by taking off his shirt, revealing his
black tattooed skin with song lyrics, gang symbols, and of a naked woman spreading
her legs on his stomach using his belly button for the tattoo’s vagina. His
gold chains clank together, giving her a look filled with bad intentions that
only a drunk man with no respect for women would give. She screams again,
louder than she has before.
“Shut the fuck up” Dan commands,
but Natalie didn’t stop. He decides to jump on top of her in hopes of wrestling
her on the ground with the goal of pinning her so she couldn’t move. Instead he
got a heel kick into his right shoulder, causing it to cut his skin upwards and
blood slowly pouring out of his shoulder. Luckily for him, the heel didn’t go
into his shoulder and only cut him. However, regardless of Natalie’s kick of resilience,
Dan was still able to wrestle on top of her and pinning her to the ground with
two hundred and thirty pounds of weight. Her young soft skin on his palms
caused his hairs on his arms to rise. “Crazy bitch” he said, spitting on her
face.
“Fuck off and leave me alone.”
Natalie yells in front of Dan’s face.
“You want it you slut.” He said.
“Yeah I want her dirty ass cock,
you fucking prick.” She said sarcastically, screaming again for help. Dan can
only smile at this point.
“Pretty slut” Dan said. Twigs and
dirt manage to get into Natalie’s clothing, scrapping along her skin and back
as she attempts to continue to struggle, but wiggling didn’t get her very far.
It didn’t take long before Dan is on top of her, sitting on her waist with one
hand holding both of her hands over her head. With his free hand he undoes his
pants freeing his erection from his underwear and jeans.
“Fucking bitch, shut the fuck
up.” Dan keeps saying over and over again for every time she screams. He begins
jerking himself with his free hand while being explicitly telling Natalie what he’s
going to do to her. “Gonna make you shut up with my cock in your fucking whore
mouth.”
Dan inches closer, his fully erect cock trying
to pry open Natalie’s mouth which is now closed shut as she turns her head to
one side. Dan seeing how unwillingly Natalie is continues to jerk himself in
front of the girl, Natalie closed her eyes not wanting to watch the man defile
her. She won’t give him the satisfaction of watching him live out his perverted
fantasies. “Doesn’t matter to me, I’ll
fucking cum on your white face before I put it in our ass whore.” Dan said, the
sound of his flesh between his hand and cock is a disturbing nightmarish
soundtrack for Natalie as she closes her mouth and eyes tighter waiting for him
to finish whatever he is planning on doing with her. Then everything went
silent as warm liquid splashes her face, covering it all over. She starts to
cry.
Everything is silent for the
girl, the threats from Dan, the sound of flesh jerking, and the sound of the wind
rustling through the trees inside the small dirt trail leading up to the park. Dan’s
body laid on her, but his hands weren’t holding her down, it was as if dead
weight is holding her down. She opens her eyes looking down at Dan’s body, and
that’s when she noticed blood everywhere smeared across her arms and body.
Wiping her face she notices blood on her hands.
Dan continues to bleed from a
wound Natalie can’t currently see. She manages to use all of her strength to
pull the body off her and to the side before slowly sitting up. She is too
focused on the body in front of her and running on adrenaline to notice her own
bullet wound to the side of her stomach. She got up anyways on her two feet, feeling
suddenly dizzy.
Crunch
Twigs snapped and it gets Natalie’s
attention turning her head towards the sound. She didn’t get a good look before
wobbling into a tree and falling back down onto the ground clinching her sides.
The pain of the bullet wound on her lower left stomach finally starts to hurt,
and she places both of her hands to the wound putting pressure on it. Her head
looks down at the wound and then looks back up at a new person standing in
front of her, the face belonging to the man across the street.
She doesn’t get a good look at
the man. Short hair, clean shaven face, scared naked body, and metallic wings
that seem to stretch out to eternity. In his hands was a gun, attached to it
looked like a long barrel to Natalie. She looked at the man for help, for salvation
as she utters “Help me”
The man obliges, considering how
he already broke her before he had a chance to talk to her. She was in pain,
and he did the only thing he could think of doing and that was putting her
down. Another shot fired, and a grandfather in New York somewhere lost his granddaughter.
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